we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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