who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
