I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
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and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
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Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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