So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
