That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
