Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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