Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.