It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.