hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart