Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
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you should give me head with plastic fangs in
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
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Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.