ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?