..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
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I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
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Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.