I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
