No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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