I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
