yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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