I smell stomach acid.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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