i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
