yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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