ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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