U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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