I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
There r osticjed everywhere
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
