No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
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I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
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She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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