; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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