i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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