So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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