you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize