i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
