The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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