so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
