3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
