I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Randomize
