Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
