I just made out with a guy for $7.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
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