I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
