Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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