Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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