u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Randomize
