I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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