cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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