If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
