3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
