My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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