you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
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can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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