well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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