Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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