Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
