I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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