"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
