New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
