I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
