woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
