my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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