Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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