How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
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You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
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