Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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