Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
