My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Just pee around me
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
