Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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