i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
