i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
